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Sweet biscuit sugar plum. Halvah chocolate bar jujubes. Dragée donut candy.

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What do you do when you think that you’re the toxic friend/person? Whether you’re self contemplating or someone in your life has told you, today we’ll help you answer the question. If you haven’t already, take our quiz to find out if you might be the “toxic” one in your relationship.

And check out the first blog of our Toxic Relationships series How To Identify Toxic Relationships : 15 Warning Signs to find out more about spotting unhealthy relationship habits.

Disclaimer! Our checklist and the content in our Toxic Relationships series are designed to improve self-awareness and to help you find out more about yourself in your relationships. It’s in no way intended to diagnose you or your relationships, it’s simply a tool to self reflect.

Reach out to us with any questions you have! If you are ready to schedule an appointment and begin improving yourself and your relationships then click here . We’re happy to hear from you!

what to do when you’re the problem in your relationship.

talk about it

Communicating our thoughts and feelings is always a great first step in self growth. Start talking about it, journal, or see a therapist. When we start speaking about our own emotions, we can better see our own role and patterns in our relationships.

Check in with yourself

Check in with yourself when you notice when you’re being irritable. When you’re on edge, try to be mindful of how you’re feeling. Notice if you’re projecting those feelings. Start by asking: What is this emotion? Where did it come from? What caused it? Notice it. Hold it. Don’t speak or behave out of anger and try to understand how you’re feeling before you behave.

Self care

Whether you’re “hangry” or in need of some serious self care, behaving unkindly or being on edge are signs that you need to take care of yourself. Meditation can be a perfect start. Notice what you might be lacking emotionally, physically, or spiritually. Positive self talk can really start the ball rolling. Once we begin to judge ourselves less, we can notice ourself judging others less too. Take care of yourself so that you can take care of those around you.

know that there is not a plot against you

When we find ourselves easily angered or lashing out on other people, a good reminder is that there is not a plot against us. Try to think about the distinction between what someone does and what someone meant to do. This can help us to see the full picture and slow down to process before behaving and maybe lashing out on someone who cares about us.

pick relationships worth investing in

Both people have to be invested in order to maintain a healthy relationship. If you notice that someone in the relationship is feeling drained, this might be a sign that there’s an imbalance of energy. Try to put energy into relationships that are actually worth it.


Relationships are give and take. Sometimes when we’re struggling, we might take more from that relationship and give less and vice versa. But ultimately, there has to be a balance. This shows that you are both putting the same energy in and that the relationship in worth it to both of you. Be aware of how much you’re asking from those around you or how much you’re taking.

Clear communication

Communicating our boundaries are essential in healthy relationships. It’s important to tell the people in our lives what’s okay and not okay to say and do to us. With boundaries set, there’s less space to hurt one another or miscommunicate. Keeping in mind and honoring the boundaries of the people we care about will help us understand what might trigger them. That can in turn can help us to be kinder, softer, and avoid saying or doing anything that crosses someone’s boundaries.


Try to practice compassion with yourself. If you feel like you might be the problem in your relationship it’s okay! You have the tools to grow within, to honor and love yourself, and in turn, to honor and love those around you. Be patient, if you find yourself lashing out or acting out of anger, use these tips to help put things into perspective. We see you and we send you our love!

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