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Why Are Relationships So Damn Hard?

8 Reasons Why Relationships Are Hard

To love is to be vulnerable, to give someone your heart and to say “I know this could hurt so bad, but I’m willing to be vulnerable and love you.”

— Brené Brown

Relationships are tough.

If you’ve ever been, or currently are in a romantic relationship, you understand the unique struggles that come with the commitment. Misunderstandings, fatigue, comparison, resentment, the list of possible struggles goes on! Today we’re covering the 10 reasons why relationships are so damn hard and sharing ways to help maintain healthy relationships!

8 Reasons why relationships are so damn hard

1. Expectations

After hitting it off it can be exciting to imagine what your relationship could look like.. But when we enter a relationship with high expectations we can be left feeling disappointed. When either person has been put on a pedestal resentment and frustration can build and make managing the relationship difficult. No relationship is perfect, and your partner isn’t perfect either. Stay away from unrealistic expectations and give you and your partner some grace.

2. relationships aren’t always romantic

Sad but true, the honeymoon ends. Romantic relationships can be hard when there’s pressure for constant romance. Relationships are more than this though! After the rush simmers, both people are left with a decision: either to commit more vulnerably, or to check out. For many of us who struggle with vulnerability that’s our cue to head out! BUT, when both people come to a mutual agreement to move past the romantic honeymoon and into a more intimate place, there’s more room to learn from one another and continue building a healthy relationship.

3. Intimacy is hard

Getting deep is hard! For a lot of us, our romantic relationships are the most vulnerable relationships we’ve experienced. We might’ve shared some of the most intimate moments or thoughts with our partner that we’ve never shared with anyone.

If either of you struggle with getting intimate emotionally, mentally, or physically, this might be a reason that the relationship is feeling hard. The amount of emotional openness required in a functioning relationship can be overwhelming! So go slow. Set boundaries that feel comfortable and safe and have a mutual understanding of them. Open communication is one of the most important things in healthy relationships, but remember to respect one another’s mental space too.

4. We take them for granted

It’s a great thing when relationships get to a place where both people are completely comfortable. But can the “normal” of a healthy, functioning relationship actually feel… boring? In new relationships there can be a lot of drama, misunderstandings, new hurdles, new opinions, etc. After we’ve been together with someone for a while, we learn how to manage, how to navigate misunderstandings, and how to find calm in the day to day.

This is usually when we find ourselves taking our partner for granted. Love can look different throughout a relationship.. Instead of a spontaneous date your partner once took you on they make you coffee every morning. Or they play your favorite song to when you’re feeling down. Recognize how each of you are showing your love and try to honor that.

5. relationships need conflict resolutions

Healthy relationships must have conflict resolutions. There has to be a plan to move past conflict when things get hard. Work on your communication skills, be open and ask questions. Once you find your conflict management style, arguments become less intense because both of you know that your intention is to build a strong relationship.

6. They can bring up old wounds

Relationships can trigger our trauma for many reasons. This can be especially hard for people who have unresolved traumas. A way to manage this is to go within when old wounds are brought to the surface. The more you take the time to learn about yourself and your triggers, the better capable you are of growing together with your partner.


All healthy relationships have boundaries. Relationships are hard when boundaries of all kinds get blurred. What are your emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual boundaries? Are they being respected? Boundaries can look like needing to take a physical break or asking your partner not to say a joke that hurts your feelings.


A relationship will always be hard when you aren’t on the same page. Come to a mutual agreement of what your relationship means to both of you. Having an understanding of the intent behind your time together can strengthen your relationship. Relationships are so hard! But when there’s a mutual agreement to stick it out, things feel a lot easier.

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