We say yes a lot, and if you’re anything like us you might have a habit of saying it when you don’t always mean it. We do this for so many reasons – we don’t want to say no in fear that we won’t be asked to hang out again, we might fear disappointing someone by not agreeing to help, or we might worry about being perceived as lazy or unproductive. Whatever the reason is, by justifying why we constantly need to satisfy others, we in turn our betraying our own self-respect. The thing is, your time is never less worthy than someone else’s. Once we reconnect with our awareness and see how truly valuable our time, space and energy are, we can be better equipped to know where to set our boundaries and how to honor them; and sometimes that means saying “No.”
Do I feel guilty or obligated to say yes?
Is overcommitting cutting into my sleep?
Am I neglecting rest?
Am I afraid of being misconceived or misunderstood by saying no?
Do I want to? How is my body reacting when I imagine committing to this?
Create boundaries. Work on creating your boundaries by noticing when you’re about to put someone else’s needs in front of you own, and try acknowledging when you don’t want to do something. This awareness is important when creating your boundaries. Once we know where our boundaries are, we can better identify when or when not to commit to something.
Don’t explain too much. They only need to know if you can or cannot do something so it’s okay to keep your response short and simple. Instead of going through a list of reasons why you can’t help right now, focus on being clear and direct while leaving no room for the possibility that you might do that thing later on.
Instead of:
I’m sorry, I’m pretty busy today so I won’t be able to go.
Try:
Thanks for thinking of me but I won’t be able to go.
Avoid apologizing. Ah, overapologizing. If you feel the need to apologize ask yourself, are you doing anything harmful? Are you genuinely sorry? Instead of saying sorry, try saying thank you. Focus on the person doing something nice, not you doing something wrong.
Here’s the thing. Setting and honoring our boundaries is hard work! We don’t want to hurt our friend’s feelings, let our boss down or appear as unproductive. It’s important though, that we commit to creating a pattern of unapologetically taking up space (even if that space is at home in bed.) We deserve to feel good, to feel rested, to feel happy.
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Nov 17, 2021
Nov 17, 2021
Stress is a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances. It is the body’s physical response to a real or perceived threat, demand, or danger.
Everyone experiences stress at different levels. Even when the same stressors are present, our experiences can be different. Certain groups experience higher levels of stress, for example, communities of color, LGBTQIA+, women, and parents.
Stress isn’t always harmful. For example, think about the motivation you feel to study for your next exam, or the urge to make a to-do list on a Sunday. These are positive ways that stress can help you focus and complete tasks. But when stress is frequent and intense, it can affect your overall health, resulting in a reduced quality of life.
This is why we want to help you get to the root cause of your stress, understand the ays it manifests for you, and learn preventative tools for coping with stress. Because you deserve a healthy, happy life.
Nov 17, 2021