Raise your hand if you’ve ever been in an argument that’s escalated quickly and got you nowhere
Disagreements and misunderstandings are part of any relationship (yup, even the healthy ones). Learning how to dialogue when in conflict is a learnable skill. A lot of what we know about relationships is learned in early life experiences, as early as our relationship with our caregivers (typically parents) in infancy and childhood. Yes, it is wild to believe that how we communicate and respond to disputes today is highly influenced by the relationships that were modeled to us early on in life. To help create understanding and cooperation, the Gottman’s have come up with a blueprint to manage and resolve conflict in relationships. We wanted to share a few of those tips with you. **These tips are also effective in any relationship in our lives not just romantic*”
4 tips for conflict resolution:
1. Listening & validation
The first and most important step in conflict resolution is being able to listen and validate one another! This step is crucial before attempting to solve the problem. There are two roles when resolving conflicts, the speaker, and the listener. It’s SO important that each person is given an equal amount of respect and space within each role.
When speaking…
Focus on using “I” statements rather than “you” statements. Instead of saying “You make me so angry when you say things like that” avoid blaming by reframing your intent to something like, “When you say things like that I feel so angry”.
Talk about how you feel. This is your time to describe and communicate what feelings are coming up for you.
State what you need. When you have a complaint or problem, it’s likely that you have an unmet need that’s being triggered. What are you fearing and what are you needing?
When listening…
Commit to understanding the speaker. You don’t have to agree, but you do need to postpone your own agenda to fully hear them out. Ask questions, be interested to understand, and show authenticity. It’s okay if you don’t completely understand what the problem is, so ask questions to fully understand.
Actively listen. Do this by nodding, naming emotions, and try to empathize with them or put yourself in their shoes.
Validate them by repeating the speaker’s feelings and perspective. This can sound like, “It makes sense that you would feel angry when I say things that hurt your feelings because it triggers your fear of being unsafe and misunderstood.” 2. compromise & problem solving
2. Compromise & problem solving
In order to feel safe and understood, identify what your core need is. This will help your partner better understand the core of the conflict. After communicating your core needs, you will be able to access areas of flexibility to compromise and better solve the problem at hand.
3. dreams within conflict
Identify what each person’s dreams are. What is the meaning behind this conflict? How can you honor one another’s dreams, wishes, and hopes? To do this, you must both be willing to understand and accept each person’s differences.
4.the aftermath of regrettable incidents
Process, rather than reliving the incident. Avoid going back to the conflict, this might reignite reactive emotions and make it more difficult to honor the two valid realities that you both are experiencing.
Find the similarities in each perspective. Are you focused on a negative quality or behavior in your partner? Try to identify that in yourself. Additionally, when you find a positive quality or behavior in yourself, try to identify that in your partner.
3 things to keep in mind:
Conflict is not only inevitable, but necessary in a healthy relationship. The base of conflict is about failure to connect with one another’s perspective. So, instead of having the goal of being “right” or making sure that the other person knows they are “wrong”, remember that the goal of a conflict is to better learn and understand one another.
Understand that there are two valid realities. The human experience is vastly different from person to person so keep in mind that what might upset someone else might not affect you in the slightest. That doesn’t mean that their version of reality is not real or deserving of compassion.
Remember, behind every conflict is a need. That means with every conflict, a resolution exists. This can be difficult to access when emotions are high, but try to remember that there is a remedy to your unmet need. If you aren’t sure exactly what that need is, take a moment alone to reflect. Do you need to be comforted? Do you crave more time together? Are you afraid of abandonment and need reassurance? When you transform a criticism into a positive need, you are creating space for mutual understanding and validation.
Stress is a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances. It is the body’s physical response to a real or perceived threat, demand, or danger.
Everyone experiences stress at different levels. Even when the same stressors are present, our experiences can be different. Certain groups experience higher levels of stress, for example, communities of color, LGBTQIA+, women, and parents.
Stress isn’t always harmful. For example, think about the motivation you feel to study for your next exam, or the urge to make a to-do list on a Sunday. These are positive ways that stress can help you focus and complete tasks. But when stress is frequent and intense, it can affect your overall health, resulting in a reduced quality of life.
This is why we want to help you get to the root cause of your stress, understand the ays it manifests for you, and learn preventative tools for coping with stress. Because you deserve a healthy, happy life.
Has a trip to the grocery store ever sent you home in a panic? Was it the fluorescent lights buzzing? The sticky feeling of your sneakers on the floor? Maybe it was the squeaky wheel on your grocery cart or the strong smell of fresh paint? Maybe it was the awkward small talk with an old friend you saw or the interaction you had with the cashier. Or, maybe, it was all of it.
If you’ve ever experienced being overwhelmed like this, you might be a highly sensitive person and you aren’t alone. Nearly 20% of people are highly sensitive and face the same common issues. And while highly sensitive people might experience similar challenges, let me be clear that sensitivity is in no way a character flaw.
Being a highly sensitive person is not a diagnosis, and we discourage the use of it as a negative label for yourself and others. The list we are sharing today is intended to help highly sensitive people feel validated and understand why they may feel a certain way. This list can also be a helpful tool for friends and family of highly sensitive people.
Being sensitive has a negative connotation for a lot of people, especially if they have been accused of or labeled with it in the past. We hope we can help reframe the way people see sensitivity.
In our last blog about ADHD, we discussed what ADHD is, how it typically manifests in women, information on diagnoses, and resources. Today we’re digging in deeper and sharing real, meaningful ways you can combat the symptoms of ADHD. From time management to emotional regulation and sorting paper chaos, these research-based strategies will provide you with straightforward approaches to ease stress and overwhelm so you can live a better, more satisfying life. Before we get started, let us remind you that you don’t need to do all the strategies mentioned to be productive and successful. Find what techniques resonate with you and leave the rest. Honor your humanness. It’s important to be gentle with yourself on your mental health journey.
PRACTICAL TOOLS AND INTERVENTIONS FOR ADHD MENTIONED:
You keep losing your phone, locking your keys in the car, you’re constantly late and feel emotionally overwhelmed. You feel you can never pay attention, you start a lot of projects which you never end up finishing, and you are constantly feeling burnt out. Maybe someone in your life has told you “you might have ADHD” or maybe you’ve been hearing more about the signs and symptoms on Instagram or TikTok and something resonates in you. Whatever the reason, educating yourself is the first step in getting treatment for the symptoms that may be wreaking havoc in your life.
Today we will be talking all about ADHD and women, why it goes unnoticed, common symptoms, if a diagnosis matters, and resources to help you gain control of your life.
July is BIPOC Mental Health Month. We recognize the many layers of barriers that prevent people of color from receiving the support they need. We believe that all people deserve access to health care, especially in a world where Black, Indigenous, and people of color are systemically discriminated against. In an effort to continue advocating for the Black community and other underrepresented communities, we put together this brief guide on BIPOC Mental Health Month.
Anxiety is a feeling of worry, nervousness, dread, and uneasiness typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome. Social anxiety is a feeling of worry or nervousness focused mainly on social interactions. To better understand social anxiety, let’s start by learning the main components that anxiety is created and sustained by:
Physiological
Rapid heart rate
Sweaty palms
A lack of appetite
Cognitive
Anxious thoughts
Predictions
Judgments
Behavioral
Avoiding certain people, places, or situations
Difficulty saying “no” and honoring boundaries
Tendency to snap at others with little warning
Most people with anxiety experience all 3 parts together. If your professor emails you and asks to speak after class tomorrow, you might experience your heart drop, and your hands begin to sweat (Physiological). Then you might notice yourself starting to worry, and creating scenarios about what they will tell you (Cognitive). Then you might put it off by skipping your next class and finally struggling to make eye contact once you’re there (Behavioral).
When we struggle with anxiety all three components happen almost automatically. That’s why to challenge social anxiety, we must also challenge the three components. The following daily hacks utilize these components.
To witness someone who you care about suffering or struggling can be difficult. It can feel heartbreaking to know that that person could benefit from professional help and yet not see them take that step. Approaching a loved one with the, “Hey, I think you need to talk to someone.” can be a challenging task, but one that we think we can help you navigate.
While it’s not always obvious, sometimes we can be our own worst enemy. We do things like procrastinate, push people away, drink excessively, set unrealistic goals, and break our own boundaries. We don’t do these things because we’re broken or crazy, and we don’t do them because we lack willpower or discipline. Self-sabotage isn’t about being lazy, it’s about you doing your best to cope. Sabotaging yourself, or being in control of certain areas in your life might give you a false sense of control. This might feel safer rather than allowing yourself to be vulnerable to being hurt by something or someone. Give yourself some compassion for trying to cope, and survive, however that has looked like. And remember, who you are and who you have been is not who you will always be. You are always allowed to start new and change old patterns and we’re here to help along the way.
Like any journey, the journey to mental health and wellness might include detours, starts and stops, long pauses, and unexpected factors at play. Choosing to return to therapy is BIG and your dedication to your mental health doesn’t go unnoticed. Whether you haven’t spoken to your therapist in months and are feeling anxious about making the call, you’ve “finished” therapy and are considering returning, or you ghosted your therapist and feel awkward about reaching out again, this is for you. Here are 5 tips for going BACK to therapy.
Being a parent is much more than just providing clothing, a roof over your head, and food on the table. For children to develop into healthy adults, they need to feel safe and supported to grow, be known, and express themselves.
Most emotionally immature parents have no awareness of how they’ve affected their children. To be clear, we aren’t placing blame on these parents, we are seeking to understand why they are the way they are. The goal here is to help you gain new insights about your parent(s) in order to increase your own self-awareness and emotional freedom.
Nov 17, 2021
Nov 17, 2021
Stress is a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances. It is the body’s physical response to a real or perceived threat, demand, or danger.
Everyone experiences stress at different levels. Even when the same stressors are present, our experiences can be different. Certain groups experience higher levels of stress, for example, communities of color, LGBTQIA+, women, and parents.
Stress isn’t always harmful. For example, think about the motivation you feel to study for your next exam, or the urge to make a to-do list on a Sunday. These are positive ways that stress can help you focus and complete tasks. But when stress is frequent and intense, it can affect your overall health, resulting in a reduced quality of life.
This is why we want to help you get to the root cause of your stress, understand the ays it manifests for you, and learn preventative tools for coping with stress. Because you deserve a healthy, happy life.
Nov 17, 2021