What are emotionally immature parents?
If you grew up with an emotionally immature parent, you may have observed any of the following traits from your parent(s):
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They are rigid and single-minded and can become very defensive when people have other ideas.
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They have low-stress tolerance and have trouble admitting mistakes, discounting the facts, and blaming others instead.
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They do what feels best, often following the path of least resistance.
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They have little respect for other people’s differing thoughts and opinions.
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They are self-preoccupied and egocentric.
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They have low empathy and are emotionally insensitive.
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They fear feelings and might have taught their children that certain feelings are shameful or “bad”.
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They place focus on the physical instead of emotional needs of their children.
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They can be killjoys, responding to their children’s ideas or enthusiasm in a dismissive or skeptical way.
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They have intense but shallow emotions, and typically quick to react.
As an adult, you may now experience:
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Lingering feelings of anger, loneliness, betrayal, or abandonment.
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Feeling guilty for being unhappy.
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Feeling highly sensitive and perceptive to other people.
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Difficulty trusting your own instincts.
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Lacking self-confidence.
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Feeling trapped in taking care of your parent(s).
People with emotionally immature parents often feel emotionally lonely around their parents, even when they’re together. While there is typically a huge emphasis on the physical needs that were met, there is little to no focus on the emotional needs.
This can be difficult for kids who grew up with a parent like this because they are likely to deny their own struggles in the future. They might believe that they shouldn’t have anything to complain about because their experience wasn’t “bad enough” compared to those who did not have their physical needs met.
Being a parent is much more than just providing clothing, a roof over your head, and food on the table. For children to develop into healthy adults, they need to feel safe and supported to grow, be known, and express themselves.
Most emotionally immature parents have no awareness of how they’ve affected their children. To be clear, we aren’t placing blame on these parents, we are seeking to understand why they are the way they are. The goal here is to help you gain new insights about your parent(s) in order to increase your own self-awareness and emotional freedom.
Keep in mind that each type exists along a spectrum, from mild to severe, with varying degrees of narcissism.
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Emotional parents
The emotionally immature parent is often run by their feelings. They react to small upsets like the end of the world and tend to rely on external factors, like other people or intoxicants to soothe and stabilize them. The emotional parent will likely swing between being overly involved in their child’s life to abrupt withdrawal. These parents are prone to instability and unpredictability and have been called, by Dr. Lindsay Gibson, as the most infantile of the four types of emotionally immature parents.
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Driven parents
The driven parent tends to look the most normal out of the four types, even appearing highly invested in their children’s lives. However, these parents are highly controlling and interfering, rarely pausing long enough to have true empathy and emotional connection with their children. Instead, the driven parent is often busy and compulsively goal-oriented. They often expect everyone to want and value the same things they do.
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Passive parents
The passive parent typically avoids dealing with anything upsetting. They are usually the “favorite” parent, seeming more emotionally available than the other types, but only up to a certain extent. The passive parent rarely offers their children any real limits or guidance to help them navigate the world. They prefer taking a backseat to a dominant partner, even allowing abuse and neglect to occur by looking the other way. The passive parent copes by minimizing problems and acquiescing.
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Rejecting parents
The rejecting parent mostly wants to be left alone. They often rule the family and home, everything revolves around them, and the family instinctively tries to not upset them. These parents show little to no closeness or real engagement with their children, and their interactions consist of issuing commands, blowing up, or isolating themselves from family life. When met with attempts to draw them into affectionate or emotional interactions, the rejecting parent will likely distance themself.
If you have found this insightful, and are eager to learn more about emotionally immature parents and how to heal, be sure to read Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson.
Source: Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson, PsyD
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Stress is a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances. It is the body’s physical response to a real or perceived threat, demand, or danger.
Everyone experiences stress at different levels. Even when the same stressors are present, our experiences can be different. Certain groups experience higher levels of stress, for example, communities of color, LGBTQIA+, women, and parents.
Stress isn’t always harmful. For example, think about the motivation you feel to study for your next exam, or the urge to make a to-do list on a Sunday. These are positive ways that stress can help you focus and complete tasks. But when stress is frequent and intense, it can affect your overall health, resulting in a reduced quality of life.
This is why we want to help you get to the root cause of your stress, understand the ays it manifests for you, and learn preventative tools for coping with stress. Because you deserve a healthy, happy life.
Has a trip to the grocery store ever sent you home in a panic? Was it the fluorescent lights buzzing? The sticky feeling of your sneakers on the floor? Maybe it was the squeaky wheel on your grocery cart or the strong smell of fresh paint? Maybe it was the awkward small talk with an old friend you saw or the interaction you had with the cashier. Or, maybe, it was all of it.
If you’ve ever experienced being overwhelmed like this, you might be a highly sensitive person and you aren’t alone. Nearly 20% of people are highly sensitive and face the same common issues. And while highly sensitive people might experience similar challenges, let me be clear that sensitivity is in no way a character flaw.
Being a highly sensitive person is not a diagnosis, and we discourage the use of it as a negative label for yourself and others. The list we are sharing today is intended to help highly sensitive people feel validated and understand why they may feel a certain way. This list can also be a helpful tool for friends and family of highly sensitive people.
Being sensitive has a negative connotation for a lot of people, especially if they have been accused of or labeled with it in the past. We hope we can help reframe the way people see sensitivity.
In our last blog about ADHD, we discussed what ADHD is, how it typically manifests in women, information on diagnoses, and resources. Today we’re digging in deeper and sharing real, meaningful ways you can combat the symptoms of ADHD. From time management to emotional regulation and sorting paper chaos, these research-based strategies will provide you with straightforward approaches to ease stress and overwhelm so you can live a better, more satisfying life. Before we get started, let us remind you that you don’t need to do all the strategies mentioned to be productive and successful. Find what techniques resonate with you and leave the rest. Honor your humanness. It’s important to be gentle with yourself on your mental health journey.
PRACTICAL TOOLS AND INTERVENTIONS FOR ADHD MENTIONED:
You keep losing your phone, locking your keys in the car, you’re constantly late and feel emotionally overwhelmed. You feel you can never pay attention, you start a lot of projects which you never end up finishing, and you are constantly feeling burnt out. Maybe someone in your life has told you “you might have ADHD” or maybe you’ve been hearing more about the signs and symptoms on Instagram or TikTok and something resonates in you. Whatever the reason, educating yourself is the first step in getting treatment for the symptoms that may be wreaking havoc in your life.
Today we will be talking all about ADHD and women, why it goes unnoticed, common symptoms, if a diagnosis matters, and resources to help you gain control of your life.
July is BIPOC Mental Health Month. We recognize the many layers of barriers that prevent people of color from receiving the support they need. We believe that all people deserve access to health care, especially in a world where Black, Indigenous, and people of color are systemically discriminated against. In an effort to continue advocating for the Black community and other underrepresented communities, we put together this brief guide on BIPOC Mental Health Month.
Anxiety is a feeling of worry, nervousness, dread, and uneasiness typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome. Social anxiety is a feeling of worry or nervousness focused mainly on social interactions. To better understand social anxiety, let’s start by learning the main components that anxiety is created and sustained by:
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Physiological
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Rapid heart rate
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Sweaty palms
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A lack of appetite
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Cognitive
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Anxious thoughts
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Predictions
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Judgments
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Behavioral
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Avoiding certain people, places, or situations
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Difficulty saying “no” and honoring boundaries
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Tendency to snap at others with little warning
Most people with anxiety experience all 3 parts together. If your professor emails you and asks to speak after class tomorrow, you might experience your heart drop, and your hands begin to sweat (Physiological). Then you might notice yourself starting to worry, and creating scenarios about what they will tell you (Cognitive). Then you might put it off by skipping your next class and finally struggling to make eye contact once you’re there (Behavioral).
When we struggle with anxiety all three components happen almost automatically. That’s why to challenge social anxiety, we must also challenge the three components. The following daily hacks utilize these components.
To witness someone who you care about suffering or struggling can be difficult. It can feel heartbreaking to know that that person could benefit from professional help and yet not see them take that step. Approaching a loved one with the, “Hey, I think you need to talk to someone.” can be a challenging task, but one that we think we can help you navigate.
While it’s not always obvious, sometimes we can be our own worst enemy. We do things like procrastinate, push people away, drink excessively, set unrealistic goals, and break our own boundaries. We don’t do these things because we’re broken or crazy, and we don’t do them because we lack willpower or discipline. Self-sabotage isn’t about being lazy, it’s about you doing your best to cope. Sabotaging yourself, or being in control of certain areas in your life might give you a false sense of control. This might feel safer rather than allowing yourself to be vulnerable to being hurt by something or someone. Give yourself some compassion for trying to cope, and survive, however that has looked like. And remember, who you are and who you have been is not who you will always be. You are always allowed to start new and change old patterns and we’re here to help along the way.
Like any journey, the journey to mental health and wellness might include detours, starts and stops, long pauses, and unexpected factors at play. Choosing to return to therapy is BIG and your dedication to your mental health doesn’t go unnoticed. Whether you haven’t spoken to your therapist in months and are feeling anxious about making the call, you’ve “finished” therapy and are considering returning, or you ghosted your therapist and feel awkward about reaching out again, this is for you. Here are 5 tips for going BACK to therapy.
Being a parent is much more than just providing clothing, a roof over your head, and food on the table. For children to develop into healthy adults, they need to feel safe and supported to grow, be known, and express themselves.
Most emotionally immature parents have no awareness of how they’ve affected their children. To be clear, we aren’t placing blame on these parents, we are seeking to understand why they are the way they are. The goal here is to help you gain new insights about your parent(s) in order to increase your own self-awareness and emotional freedom.
Nov 17, 2021
Nov 17, 2021
Stress is a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances. It is the body’s physical response to a real or perceived threat, demand, or danger.
Everyone experiences stress at different levels. Even when the same stressors are present, our experiences can be different. Certain groups experience higher levels of stress, for example, communities of color, LGBTQIA+, women, and parents.
Stress isn’t always harmful. For example, think about the motivation you feel to study for your next exam, or the urge to make a to-do list on a Sunday. These are positive ways that stress can help you focus and complete tasks. But when stress is frequent and intense, it can affect your overall health, resulting in a reduced quality of life.
This is why we want to help you get to the root cause of your stress, understand the ays it manifests for you, and learn preventative tools for coping with stress. Because you deserve a healthy, happy life.
Nov 17, 2021