2020 has been a difficult year for many of us. People are experiencing higher levels of stress, anxiety, and depression related to Covid-19, racism, and the presidential election, among other things like the environment, lack of stability, healthcare, and the economy. That’s why we want to talk to you about finding emotional balance as we near the end of 2020.
When we experience distress like anxiety or depression, we are more likely to think in absolutes. We say, think, or believe things like, “I’m always going to feel like this,” or “I’m so angry about the state of the world.” One of the great things about being a human is that we can feel, think, and believe many things at once. Similar to how there can be rain on a sunny day, or how some flowers bloom in winter while others die, there is space for the complexity of the human experience.
Because it’s nearly impossible for us to hold only one emotion or belief when we are so vastly complex, it can be painful and distressing when we make ourselves choose between just one. Dialectical thinking offers the ability to not have to choose. It allows us to reframe our thoughts to create room for two things to exist at one time.This is important because the way that we frame things (the words that we choose) matter when making sense of, accepting, and understanding our experience.
This is where the power of “AND” comes in! We can let go of thinking in extremes when we use “and” to balance complex feelings, thoughts, and beliefs. For example, if you were to tell yourself “I’m always going to feel like this” try reframing that thought to “I feel upset right now, AND I won’t always feel this way.” It can be powerful, validating, and freeing when we replace words like “always/never,” “either/or,” and “but” with “and”. Here are more examples of the power of “and”.
“I want to stay informed, AND I understand I need boundaries with my news consumption.”
“I am hurt I can’t see my family for the holidays, AND I understand this is the best decision for our family.”
“I’m angry about the state of the world right now, AND I can experience moments of joy and peace.”
Dialectical thinking and the power of “and” can be useful in every aspect of our lives from romantic relationships, to parenting, to our own self-love and healing. Here are some examples of how using “and” validates both feelings or parts of the sentence instead of dismissing one or the other.
“I understand you didn’t mean to hurt me, but I still feel upset.”
Instead, try:
“I understand you didn’t mean to hurt me, AND I still feel upset.”
“I know you’re tired, but you still need to do your homework.”
Instead, try:
“I know you’re tired, AND you still need to do your homework.”
“I did really well in my job interview, but I missed the mark on that one question.”
Instead, try:
“I did really well in my job interview, AND I missed the mark on that one question.”
Let’s honor our humanness and balance our emotions this year by releasing the need to identify with oversimplified ideas. Try replacing extremes with “and” and notice what shifts! Can you think of two truths that you’re holding onto now?
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Nov 17, 2021
Nov 17, 2021
Stress is a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances. It is the body’s physical response to a real or perceived threat, demand, or danger.
Everyone experiences stress at different levels. Even when the same stressors are present, our experiences can be different. Certain groups experience higher levels of stress, for example, communities of color, LGBTQIA+, women, and parents.
Stress isn’t always harmful. For example, think about the motivation you feel to study for your next exam, or the urge to make a to-do list on a Sunday. These are positive ways that stress can help you focus and complete tasks. But when stress is frequent and intense, it can affect your overall health, resulting in a reduced quality of life.
This is why we want to help you get to the root cause of your stress, understand the ays it manifests for you, and learn preventative tools for coping with stress. Because you deserve a healthy, happy life.
Nov 17, 2021